By Kenneth Bonett
Part I
6/22/2024
4-5 minute read
I’ve been humbled by how my writing has positively impacted people’s lives. The heartfelt phone calls, thoughtful text messages, and meaningful direct messages have shown me the power of sharing meaningful ideas. As I launch my new website and upcoming podcast, I’m excited to see where this journey takes us. I am still learning and growing each day, and I am grateful for the opportunity to share this journey with you.
First, let’s clear up any confusion about what I mean by “self.” You still have your body, memories, thoughts, and experiences. However, the idea of a permanent, unchanging identity—the ‘self’ you think of as ‘me’—is a philosophical concept that can help us see our thoughts and behaviors more clearly. Recognizing that our identity is not fixed can be liberating, allowing us to grow and adapt more freely. (And no, this doesn’t mean you can use “I lost myself” as an excuse for misplacing your keys or your phone—though it might be tempting!)
To make this clearer, let me share an everyday example that illustrates this concept: Imagine you have always been known as the “shy person” among your friends and family (If you have ever talked with me, this is the exact opposite, sometimes to my own demise!). This label has stuck with you for years, and you identify strongly with it. This could make you avoid social gatherings, fearing that you won’t be able to change this part of yourself. But what if you realized that this identity is not set in stone? It’s a collection of past experiences and thoughts that you have held onto. By recognizing this, you can start to see that you are not bound by this label. You can choose to engage more in social situations, gradually reshaping your identity. Recognizing this can liberate us from ego-driven behaviors and deepen our empathy by revealing our inherent interconnectedness. This understanding cultivates a life lived more mindfully and compassionately.
Reflective Pause: How might labels you’ve adopted unconsciously shape your behavior? Can you think of one label you might reconsider or redefine?
To bolster the philosophical insights on the fluidity of identity with empirical evidence, numerous neuroscientific studies offer compelling support. Research using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) has shown that our sense of self is tied to specific neural pathways that are surprisingly malleable. For instance, studies at institutions like Stanford University have observed that mindfulness meditation can lead to structural changes in areas of the brain associated with self-awareness and cognitive control, such as the prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex. These areas are crucial in helping us manage our thoughts and emotions. These findings suggest that the ‘fixed’ self is more of a dynamic construct than a static entity. However, I understand some might be skeptical of applying these scientific findings to personal growth or dismiss them as just another ‘self-help fad.’ To address these concerns, it’s important to consider the robust nature of these studies, which are peer-reviewed and replicated across different populations. Their implications reach far beyond mere academic interest, showing how altering our neural pathways through practices like mindfulness can enhance our ability to adapt, learn, and thrive in a constantly changing environment. This convergence of ancient wisdom and modern science not only validates the effectiveness of mindfulness but also invites a deeper exploration into how we perceive and influence our own identity.
While embracing the fluid nature of identity allows us to break free from limiting beliefs and adapt to new situations, maintaining a consistent identity also has its merits. Stability provides psychological benefits, helps us understand our life story, and builds trust and credibility with others. Consistency can serve as a foundation, giving us a sense of continuity and reliability, which is important in both personal and professional relationships. Balancing stability and change is key to a rich and fulfilling life. Understanding that the self is not fixed, practicing mindfulness, and staying curious help us enjoy the benefits of both consistency and transformation. This enhances personal well-being and fosters a compassionate, dynamic society.
Reflective Pause: Think about aspects of your identity that have remained constant over the years. How do they serve you, and might there be areas where change could bring about growth?
In everyday life, this means you don’t have to be confined by who you were yesterday. You can break free from limiting beliefs about yourself and create the life you aspire to live. You can ‘awaken’ from the illusion of a fixed identity and explore new possibilities without being constrained by past perceptions.
Part II
5-6 minute read
Even though I have never experienced mental health issues, I understand that it is a widespread and serious concern. Social media and many aspects of the 21st-century world can exacerbate these challenges. It’s important to note that while understanding the concept of the ‘self’ can be helpful, it is not a replacement for professional mental health support. If you or someone you know is struggling, seeking help from a mental health professional is crucial.
Recently, I had a patient who was deeply depressed and felt compelled to self-harm because she believed she could never meet her parents’ expectations or match the perfection she saw in her sister. She was trapped in the illusion of a fixed identity, shaped by external pressures and internalized comparisons. If she could see through the illusion of the self, she would realize that her sense of identity was not an unchangeable truth but something she could reshape. This profound realization would empower her to break free from these suffocating expectations, embrace her intrinsic worth, and create a life true to her authentic self. In doing so, she could live more genuinely and compassionately, unburdened by the false personas imposed upon her.
This isn’t just a concept; it is a firsthand experience I’ve had and that many others have had for centuries through the practice of mindfulness meditation, specifically non-dual mindfulness. Imagine being able to lock into a state similar to the flow state in everyday life, no matter what you’re doing, without needing a creative or athletic stimulus (I will compare and contrast these states of consciousness in another post). This is the profound power of non-dual, first-person experience—a state of awareness where you are fully present, deeply connected, and free from the illusion of a fixed self.
You cannot fully grasp the non-dual understanding until you practice mindfulness enough to recognize when you’re lost in thought. As you become more aware of these moments, you can begin non-dual training. These practices build on each other.
When I began, I didn’t fully understand it. But one day, while walking to my medical school, I was practicing mindfulness. It was just a glimpse, but it led to a more sustained practice over time. This approach has become the most important thing I’ve learned as I continued to train in this way. You start to see your life as a process, recognizing that different stages require you to adopt various roles and adapt to new environments. The problem many people face—and what so many are actively going through without realizing it—is that they lose themselves in these roles. They become lost in thought and are not mindful of being lost, thus operating on autopilot.
This is a pivotal realization: When we are not mindful of our thought patterns, we let automatic behaviors control us. Recognizing when we’re operating on autopilot is essential—this is the essence of mindfulness and the cornerstone of living consciously. By understanding and addressing this tendency, we reclaim our true selves and live with intentional awareness.
For instance, consider someone who adopts the role of a “perfectionist” in their career. To succeed, they might adopt traits such as being meticulous, detail-oriented, and always striving for excellence. Over time, these traits can become so ingrained that they start to lose touch with their own needs and well-being. They might begin to neglect their personal relationships, hobbies, and mental health because the character they’ve become is entirely focused on achieving perfection. The constant pressure and high expectations can lead to stress, anxiety, and a sense of inadequacy despite their accomplishments, driving them further into a cycle of self-neglect and perfectionism. This is an example of losing oneself in a character, where the role takes over, and the person’s true self gets buried under layers of performance because they are lost in thought and not being mindful that they’re lost in thought. They are operating on autopilot.
Mindfulness, specifically non-dual mindfulness, can help such individuals by fostering a greater awareness of their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. By practicing non-dual mindfulness, they can learn to observe their perfectionist tendencies without becoming consumed by them. This awareness creates a space for self-compassion and a deeper understanding of their true needs, allowing them to reconnect with their true selves. Mindfulness can help them balance their drive for excellence with self-care, leading to a more fulfilling and sustainable way of living.
I will dive deeper into the first-person experience in future discussions and articles, but this is the deepest truth I know about the first-person nature of the mind. As Dr. Sam Harris exclaims, “This is an objective truth about your own subjectivity.” I still get lost in thought many times a day, but over time I have gotten better at noticing when I am lost in thought and have been able to come back to the moment quicker, as well as experience increased moments of this non-duality phenomenon throughout the day. It starts slowly, by glimpsing it, but then as you gain more practice in mindfulness, you’re able to sustain it for longer and longer periods of time.
From a young age, I have always been incredibly curious and engaged in the world around me (most of the time getting me in trouble, like the time I didn’t know how the cigarette lighter worked and burned the leather interior of my father’s brand new Jaguar—he still talks about it to this day). I began my exploration in the practice of vipassana (mindfulness) meditation through a purely neuroscientific and philosophical lens of discovering more about the nature of my own mind. Without beginning my meditation practice, I believe I would never have gained the ability to observe my thoughts, patterns, and ideas with such direct and careful attention. I started to uncover aspects of my subconscious behavior that gradually became conscious realizations. This simple practice has provided me with profound insights about myself and a deeper understanding of the world that I would have otherwise missed.
The idea “You don’t need to be who you were yesterday” is freeing, but maintaining a consistent identity is also important. Stability provides psychological benefits, helps us understand our life story, and builds trust and credibility. However, personal growth and adaptability are crucial too. While consistency can provide a foundation, if we’re not pushing ourselves, it can potentially lead to stagnation. Embracing the fluid nature of identity lets us break free from limiting beliefs, adapt to new situations, and live more fulfilling lives. Consistently aiming to improve, on the other hand, can lead to amazing outcomes.
Balancing stability and change is key. Understanding that the self is not fixed, practicing mindfulness, and staying curious help us enjoy the benefits of both consistency and transformation. This enhances personal well-being and fosters a compassionate, dynamic society.
Recognizing the illusion of a fixed self is transformative, allowing us to redefine who we are and how we engage with the world. It promotes empathy, adaptability, and resilience. This realization inspired me to start writing and launch a podcast. I want to help people in any way I can—and because med school isn’t challenging enough, I thought, “Why not juggle a few more flaming swords while I’m at it?”
By combining the stability of a consistent identity with the freedom to change and grow, we achieve a richer, more balanced life. This approach not only improves our personal well-being but also creates a society that values both reliability and the power of personal evolution.
Part III
6/22/2024
4-6 minutes
How to Start:
- Mindfulness Meditation: Start simply by sitting quietly, focusing on your breath. When you recognize you’re lost in thought, gently bring your focus back to the breath. Over time, you can focus on other aspects of your present experience, but the breath is an easy starting point. Guided meditations, like those on the Waking Up app, can be very helpful.
- Reflect on Identity: Consider the roles and identities you’ve adopted. Ask yourself if these roles truly reflect who you are and how they serve you.
- Practice Compassion: Regularly practice compassion towards yourself and others. Everyone is navigating their own unique challenges and perspectives. This fundamental truth deepens our empathy and compassion.
- Stay Curious: Continue exploring these concepts through books, podcasts, and discussions. The more you understand, the more liberating it becomes. There are direct ways to practice non-dual mindfulness that I will expand on in future posts and discussions on the podcast. But, you can’t just hop right into the non-dual practice without getting the basics of dualistic mindfulness down. You need to be able to build the focus of recognizing when you’re lost in thought and coming back to the breath before anything else. The most comprehensive resource that I have found, which also transformed my life, is the Waking Up App created by Dr. Sam Harris, one of the most influential neuroscientists and philosophers of our time.
Becoming a Better Person Each Day: Becoming a better person each day is possible through discipline and consistency. Practicing mindfulness meditation for at least 30 minutes per day and integrating it into your daily life takes immense discipline. Exercising every day, specifically mixing strength training and aerobic training (I will expand on the amazing longevity benefits of exercise in a future post) also takes immense discipline. But instead of doing it for yourself, think about who you’re doing it for.
- Mindfulness: You’re doing it for your family so you don’t end up being that one person who brings the mood down, starts fights, and makes everything about them. You’re doing it for your friends so you can show them through your presence and helpfulness how fully you care about them. You’re doing it so that each individual you interact with can have a better day because of you.
- Exercise: And if you’re lucky enough, you’re doing it so you can run and pick up your grandchildren in the backyard thanks to all the compounding years of hard work. (And if anyone asks how you managed to stay so fit, you can just smile and say, “Well, it all started with trying to find myself—literally, I got lost on my first jog!”)
Remember, you don’t have to be who you were yesterday. Life is too short to be the same person forever. Embrace the fluidity of your existence and create a life true to your deepest values. With the advent of TikTok and Instagram Reels, people’s attention spans are getting shorter and shorter, increasing the need for society to embrace meditation. This is why I decided to begin posting about these subjects as well.
There is a fascinating phenomenon in the brain called neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s ability to change over time. Specifically, there is an area of the brain that is undergoing lots of research called the Anterior Midcingulate Cortex. This area of the brain grows bigger when you do things that you don’t want to do. As Dr. Andrew Huberman states it best, “In many ways, scientists are starting to think of the Anterior Midcingulate Cortex not as just one of the seats of willpower, but perhaps actually the seat of the will to live.” You can change your brain, and you can change your mind into becoming a better person for yourself and those around you.
But nothing comes easy. Nobody is going to do the work for you. Do you want to become more mindful? Discipline and consistency. Do you want to increase your VO2 max? (You’ll be hearing a lot about this metric from me, I’m sorry in advance) Discipline and consistency. Do you want to become stronger? Discipline and consistency. Do you want to become a better writer? Discipline and consistency. Do you want to become a great doctor? Discipline and consistency. With these two traits, you may wake up one day and be Batman.
Just like compounding interest, small, consistent efforts can lead to exponential growth over time. The little things you do every day add up, creating a momentum that transforms your life. Remember, you can’t get anywhere from the past or the future; one is gone and one is just a concept. You can only make progress in the present moment. Embrace this moment as the only time that truly exists. Each mindful breath, each act of kindness, each step forward is an investment in your future self, creating a ripple effect that transforms not only your life but the lives of those around you. Recognize that the present moment is a powerful catalyst for change; it holds the potential to reshape your entire existence. By living mindfully and consistently, you build a foundation for a more compassionate and fulfilling life, as it did mine and continues to do every day. This understanding is not just transformative; it is the key to unlocking a profound and enduring connection with yourself and the world. (Unless you’re Batman, then please stay the same.)
Embark on this odyssey of transformation, and who knows, maybe one day you’ll find yourself achieving things you never thought possible—or at least remembering where you left your keys. I haven’t seen mine in weeks; I think I’ll go look for them now… mindfully.
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” – Peter Drucker
References
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Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. Penguin Books.
Huberman, A. (2021). The role of neuroplasticity in enhancing mental and physical well-being. Huberman Lab Podcast.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144-156.
Harris, S. (2018). The Waking Up Course. Waking Up, Inc.
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